I had a pretty profound experience a couple weeks ago that inspired a pretty thought-provoking internal dialogue.
So I've been doing some part-time work at a holistic dispensary in my town and one day while I was working a shift I had the most interesting customer interaction.
I had two womxn customers come in who were looking to get some CBD-dominant products for their sixteen year old nephew who has been traversing a cancer diagnosis the past Few years and had more recently started undergoing chemotherapy.
They were telling me that experiences of anxiety aren't uncommon with their nephew, and I so I asked further about how their nephew is handling everything. According to them, he seems to be handling things to the best of his ability although as he is undergoing this process, he has a keen desire on exploring his spirituality.
His parents on the other hand? They haven't allowed for it.
According to the womxn I was speaking with, the nephew has a deep love of nature and has even asked on occasion whether they know a good witch doctor!
I had to take a laugh as I wouldn't quite know what to say if a young adult asked me that.
All things said though, this conversation, specifically exploring this idea that parents possess a level of control as to what their children are and aren't able to engage in brought up some pretty deep emotions. I truly have no idea what it must be like to traverse that kind of diagnosis, have a strong internal call to connect to myself through spiritual practices and even guidance and just have that idea barred by the people who raise me.
The question this conversation brought up for me though is why do we not allow for children to have autonomy over themselves? Why do we not allow them to gravitate toward their inspirations and desires and honor that?
In fact, as I uttered these questions allowed, I started to tear up. I was reminded of the control and restriction that dominated my childhood. More and more, I’ve been reflecting on the idea that our childhood homes are in fact prisons for conditioning, and there was a part of me that was able to deeply relate to that child who must be craving and desire to feeling connected to his own Spirit but feels unable to due to those CLOSEST to him placing their own projections and conditions on HIS own life.
No one is right and no one is wrong in this situation, but when we exhibit control over others, even children, what we are doing is perpetuating a cycle of fear. Oftentimes we control because we think we know better. Oftentimes we control because we are just perpetuating what was done to us. This kind of fear puts on blinders as to how we could be damaging the people we claim to love because the truth of the matter is that real, true love does not have conditions and control over others.
For it runs deep in many of our lives. And often that control that we are exposed to through our parents, our culture, our education system, and work environments and more put forth a message in our subconscious that we must hyper-vigilantly control ourselves, or else (because the only reason we aim to control the world outside of us is because we have failed to mold and control ourselves when we were never meant to be controlled to begin with).
In other words, due to our informative experiences, we begin to place ourselves in a box of fear. We become useful if and only if we desire to cooperate in that system of fear. With what mommy and daddy say, so to speak. It's that system of you do what I say, or else that extends to our police force, our schools, and more.
This is precisely why we meditate though. Through meditation, we get the opportunity to see our lives clearly and how we may be enacting fear in our lives. And in doing so, we can begin to reconstruct our lives through modes and actions from love. And by love, I mean even holding and accepting the part of us that wants to control the people and things outside of ourselves. Because more often than not, those part of us has deep wisdom and a desire to feel at ease.
So if you are a parent or have children who may be interested in receiving tools or guidance to work with yourselves and your energy to go with the flow, allow others to be as they are, and experience more joy, stay in touch with me at www.vulnerableheartmeditation.com